An Old Friend Returns to A4A, Part 5: Living the Dream, Not Daydreaming
on qui parum habet, sed qui plus cupit, pauper est"It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor."
"When you reach the top of the mountain, keep climbing." - Zen wisdom
When I look at my CV, I look at it with impostor syndrome: "No, no; this wasn't me, this was someone else." When others look at my CV, they think how amazing my life must have been the past ten years, living in places like Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Thailand, the Philippines, Tanzania, and Cambodia; doing everything from encouraging youth in social enterprise to global health and agriculture and even working in a children's hospital.
Compare that to ten years ago when it was a month away before getting on a plane to go to Indonesia to begin my odyssey, and the same feeling was there: "I'm an impostor; I shouldn't be going here as someone else deserves to do it and they'll do a better job than me." Similarly, people hearing about what I was about to do did nothing but celebrate me, with a mix of encouragement as their friend and envy that I had such a golden opportunity.
In between these two time frames of ten years ago and ten years later, again, even when doing what sounds like an awesome thing, I could never get out of my head that I wasn't doing enough yet, or it wasn't cool or good compared to what others do. Yes, I made videos and took a lot of pictures riding around to various far-off places that aren't even tourist areas, some requiring special privilege because the areas didn't allow civilians like northern Sri Lanka. If I compare that to now, where I'm living on an island with my two adopted stray dogs about a kilometer from the beach, yes, those were exciting times, and this is boring to me. Yet, when talking to friends both old and new, they listen with envy and delight because their stable lives in the rat race leaves them fantasizing about living simply and doing remote work by the beach and paying not even a quarter of what their normal living expenses are in the United States or Europe.
In other words, the grass is always greener on the other side, and even when you're satisfied, you'll wish you could be doing more, or that what you're doing doesn't match your fantasies, whether your fantasies were better or nothing like how awesome the real thing is. But that's one hidden truth: everything is awesome (go watch the Lego Movie for the appropriate song). What you look at and dream about isn't something that you should get hung up on fulfilling a fantasy you've idealized, whether it is leaving home to go make a difference or dreaming about coming home to live a "normal", stable life. By daydreaming about what could be and what should be, you prevent yourself from fully living and taking in everything going on around you. You also do a disservice to yourself by neglecting to look at how you are a co-creator to the collective canvas that is reality.
Fantasies keep you stuck in your head
Fantasies push you into your head and you will be disappointed again and again if you compare other people's experiences to yours, or your fantasies to what you are living through. Oftentimes, you will find that what people are saying is different from what you experience in the field, whether when working in an NGO in your town or abroad, not because of embellishment, but because the same words can mean very different things.
When people talk about pursuing your passions, there is an excitement to it with the image you have seen in popular media about being successful, happy, and fulfilled. When I talk about it to people, this is what they think I did, and believe it to be effortless and a sign of good luck. In actuality, it was a lot of hard work, sacrifice, worrying, and waiting around for people to come to appointments hours later than scheduled. Pursuing your passion to me is not going out to have fun, but doing what felt right, whether it was booking a ticket to Cambodia from Thailand or deciding not to accept a job offer that others were competing to have that caused both my prospective employer and other applicants to look at me astonished that I would walk away from something. Passion isn't what you imagine what will be, passion is what develops as you do things and discover what you actually like rather than what you think you might like. You may even end up hating something by the time you start, just like people I've met who wanted to work in NGOs and then disliked it because it didn't seem as structured as their corporate work was.
Staying in your head prevents you from sharing a common dream or goal
Do you feel like you can make a difference, save the world, and that you have to struggle to get to the point that you are satisfied with who you are and what you have done? Well, guess what? Everyone around you feels the exact same way. If you can't get out of your head, you can't make your daydreams reality, nor can you get to the point where you can all lay out your ideas, goals, abilities and contributions, passions and shortcomings so that you can all figure out how to not only make your own dream come true, but create a shared dream together.
This begins with talking about what is important to you, writing it down and finding out how to turn dreams into steps towards your goal, then sharing it with others and seeing overlap. Had I not decided that I wanted to travel and make use of my creativity and communication skills, I'd never have been recommended by friends to the original internship that got me to Indonesia. Had I not talked about it, I never would have serendipitously met someone who just so happened to be a passionate sponsor for the organization I was going to intern with, and in doing so inspired me to talk with the people there to create a video allowing this sponsor to virtually introduce himself to his beneficiary, which warmed the hearts of many.
What we learn from this is that if you want to make your dreams come true, don't daydream--let it out in both words, actions, and sharing with others, because people want you to succeed just as much as you feel great helping others do the same.
"Chop wood, carry water"
An old Chinese Buddhist saying refers to a very simple idea of doing your basic work daily. There is a lot of wisdom there as it referred to both simplicity in everyday work and that whether you are a neophyte or a master, you'll do the same things with the big differences being experience and mindset. Place one foot in front of you, then the other foot in front of it, and continue. Sooner or later, you'll have walked ten thousand miles and climbed many mountains. Then you get to continue doing it again and again and realize that you have done more than you give yourself credit for, which is why when I feel like an impostor looking at my own CV, there's no way to deny that I've done what I've done, as my former colleagues and managers can verify that yes, I was there, and the people I've served can say yes, they benefited from whatever contribution I've made, however big or small I perceive my role to be.
What you see as merely chopping wood and carrying water--daily tasks that are simple and anyone can do--becomes the amazing, impossible things people dream about doing. It is no longer fantastic to you because you have found that it is not something beyond your capabilities or that you are unworthy of doing, it is something anyone and everyone can do if they just do it with the right support, guidance, and self-disciplined effort. You live the dream when you stop thinking about it because it is happening as you do it, and you have bigger dreams that follow what you are doing.
Conclusion
Take your dreams and turn them into steps towards your goals, then work on them while you add steps along the way. Eventually, you will have lived your dream without realizing it because you are writing your own book and starring in your own life story's movie adaptation, and at the same time, supporting people in theirs. Dreams are not meant to stay in your head, they are meant to be lived, and more importantly, to be shared.
